To be honest with myself.
Untitled. (maybe a work in progress?)
I know that I have loved and lost.
And I know that HE has loved and lost.
And I know that SHE has loved...and thrown away.
And I am the axis on which this story is built, and yet I am stuck.
Unsure of what to do.
What to say.
What to be.
Stuck.
In the middle,
between the guilt I feel for his crushed heart, and the pain I feel from her bruises staining my heart, penetrating the abyss of black that was my soul.
Stuck.
Glued to this spot by insecurities of hurting or being hurt. Held by chains of the past that keep me shackled to this spot.
Stuck.
Unable to allow the soft embrace of silence nor the gentle touch of freedom unshackle my mind and lift me.
Stuck.
Metaphorically engraving "love me" into my arm each night hoping you will notice, just to wake each morning knowing full well the message was really meant for my own inner critic.
Stuck. But reaching.
Stuck. But searching.
Stuck. But refocusing, recharging.
Stuck.
Reciting the lines I have rehearsed a thousand times for you, reminding myself over and over again, "Aren't you supposed to upgrade after you dump someone?" As a smile crosses my face.
Stuck to this very spot:
Inbetween he,
Inbetween we,
Inbetween she,
Yet, intuitively, unapologetically, growing back into ME.
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